Saturday, March 30, 2013

Statistically one of the greatest athletes in Philadelphia history, former Chunky Soup salesman Donovan McNabb will forever be bashed for his inability to win the big game. However, it seems Mc-Flab and the City of Brotherly Love can FINALLY agree on something...Tony Romo's contract.

Thanks to Jerry Jones' viciously misguided approach to running a professional football team, we may never see the Cowboys win a playoff game again (assuming Mr. Jerry Wipe himself is indeed around forever, which seems a real possibility every time we catch a glimpse of his embalmed, corpse-like smile). Keep this in mind; the Cowboys just gave a guy with one whole playoff win the second most guaranteed cash in NFL history (Tom Brady, $57 million; Tony Romo, $55 million; Drew Brees, $55 million: Joe Flacco, $51 million, per NFL guru Adam Shefter).

In the end, all credit goes to McNabb for epitomizing literally every single reaction to Romo's only true victory...cashing in on a heinous six-year, $108 million extension...Though McKayla Maroney is still less impressed.

Posted on Saturday, March 30, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Friday, March 29, 2013

Though the Knicks (and us) may be enjoying a league-high six game winning streak, their ancient and storied roster can still provide endless amusement, if you have the right conversation.

I decided to talk some Knicks basketball with my cousin recently, despite knowing full well that he hasn't followed the NBA since the early 2000's. The ensuing conversation was nothing short of hilarious. (Note this was shortly after the win against the Jazz to start the streak).

"I know you don't really follow anymore, but the Knicks have been killing it the past couple games, let's watch a few quarters."

"That's pretty sweet, I'm down. Who's on the Knicks this year anyway?"

"Besides Melo? Kurt Thomas had a pretty big game for us last week..."

"Wait, Kurt Thomas?! Isn't he, like, 50 now? He was on the team in the 99' finals wasn't he?"

"Yup, that's the guy, oldest player in the NBA. He's been on like six other teams."

"Holy shit. I didn't realize you could play that long. Who else do they have?"

"Well, theres Marcus Camby..."

"Camby?? He's still on the team? I used to play as him in NBA2k2!"

"Oh no, this is his first year back with us. He's played for a bunch of teams since then."

"What is he now, like 37??"

"38, and he's not even the second oldest guy on the team...Jason Kidd is 39, and...."

"Wait - the guy from the Nets? What the fuck??!"

"He hasn't been a Net for a while. He won a title with the Mavs a few years ago. We've also got Kenyon Martin!"

"Ok is this the oldest team in the league or some shit?"

"Dead right! You'll never guess the last old guy either."


"Rasheed Wallace"

"Okay, now you're fucking with me!"

"I swear! We also have the Argentinian national point guard. He's 35. And a 28 year old rookie."

".....fuck off."

Want to check out some cool music? Take a listen to The Strange Times. The bassist's musical ability is vastly superior to his NBA knowledge.

Posted on Friday, March 29, 2013 by Jake Silver

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With news of former ace Johan Santana re-tearing the anterior capsule in his left shoulder flooding paper stands around the salty Metropolitan streets, Mets fans/brass/teammates are once again crying for answers. WHY US!?

Amazin' captain David Wright called it "shocking and disheartening;" The cashier at the corner deli called "Ay, Jesus Christos!" Even the sweatered pitbull that sits outside of Citi Field with a lit cigar called it "ruff."

The Mets may have an influx of promising youngsters climbing the ranks, yet there is a melancholy feel about the recent past that has left a bad taste in fans' mouths. We still owe Bobby Bonilla about 25 annual payments of $1.9 million (through 2035), and he's been retired for 12 years. We just paid Jason Bay $21 million NOT to play for us this season. We essentially paid $137 million for a no-hitter and nothing else. Oh, and how could we forget...our mascot looks like a testicle!!

Bet most of you wish you took the red pill, huh?

(Image via

Posted on Friday, March 29, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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CBS Sports' Doug Gottlieb had the Twitter world erupting like Mount Vesuvius back in A.D. 79, only several hours ago. 140-character blankets of ash continues to settle since the dorky analyst made things slightly awkward, providing his "white-man's perspective."

But then came Big Mound Barkley to the rescue...

Posted on Friday, March 29, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Sunday, March 24, 2013

In the final round of the 2013 Arnold Palmer Invitational, Sergio Garcia hits his second shot from a tree near the fairway on the par-4 10th hole...with one hand and backwards. He nails it.

Posted on Sunday, March 24, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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It took 15 years, but 16-year-old Justin Stank is officially the most adored Colorado State fan in Colorado State history.

First he was seen struggling to stay awake during Colorado State's convincing victory over Missouri... (Oh I'm sorry, are we keeping you up?)

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He was spotted remaking the YMCA...

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And showing his true colors while his team was getting trampled by Louisville...

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Just kidding Stank! You're our hero. (top image via NYTimes)

Posted on Sunday, March 24, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Saturday, March 23, 2013

While Washington Redskins fans marinate in their adoration of the impeccable Robert Griffin the Third, they have actually overlooked the fact that their beloved RG3 is nothing but RG3 II.

Rex Grossman, the much maligned former starter turned backup turned starter turned bench warmer, actually is legally named Rex Grossman III. As a former starter for coach Mike Shanahan's Redskins, Grossman is truly the original RG3.

While we won't go the Rob "I'm a Brain Damaged Racist" Parker route and question Robert Griffin personally - maybe he should run a quick check around before he tries to trademark the RG3 moniker.

Don't worry Robert - while I may hate your team, you're alright. You're just a copycat. But fuck Rob Parker.

Posted on Saturday, March 23, 2013 by Jake Silver

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Friday, March 22, 2013

We don't tell us.
Does this 6'8'' Knicks forward shave his beard in the morning and dominate for Baylor, before going to marinate on the Knicks bench by night? Perhaps the other way around?

Astounding physical similarities. Apparently though, on-court dominance doesn't seem to translate. 

Posted on Friday, March 22, 2013 by Jake Silver

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Thursday, March 21, 2013

It's time for change...

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Posted on Thursday, March 21, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Watch as this elderly basketball fan digs deep into the mucus-soaked trenches to become a video-bombing icon. This guy shows us that treasure isn't just found in the bottom of the sea, as recently reported by He picked; he admired; he conquered.

Posted on Thursday, March 21, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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How much longer must we suffer the indignities of having Roger "Safety First" Goodell in office? To date, Roger Goodell has been worse for the NFL's product, than the NCAA is at maintaining the "integrity" of college sports, and that's really saying something.

From absurd fines, to the referee lockout and all the new bitch rules being instituted by the NFL, Goodell has slowly been ruining the sport we all love as Americans. Yesterday the fans got their biggest slap in the face yet, in the form of an unspeakably stupid rule about running backs using their heads to hit defenders.

This new rule will institute a 15-yard penalty if the referee judges a ball carrier to have "used the crown of his head" to hit a defender. Oh good. So these blind, old dancing men who can't tell the difference between roughing the passer and pass interference, are going to have full discretion to make these calls?? That should be a ton of fun to watch. NOT.

If the league's motivations were truly centered around player safety, I'd still grumble, but I'd have to keep my mouth shut. This is not the case. The NFL owners and their puppet  are doing this purely to protect their pockets from future concussion lawsuits.

Well that's just great. They get to be kajillionaires whether or not they get sued, and the common folk have to watch the beloved NFL become the National Flag Football League.

I'm so glad that my favorite sport is going to become unwatchable so that you can get sick rims for the landing gear on your private jet Robert Kraft.

Mike Brown, owner of the Cincinnati Bengals, is the only owner with a set of balls - he said the same things I'm saying here - it's integral to being a running back, the refs cannot possibly officiate this rule consistently or fairly, and it makes the game WORSE. Bravo to you Mike Brown. You are a hero.

Rodger Goodell and the other 31 owners - go to hell.

Posted on Thursday, March 21, 2013 by Jake Silver

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Samsung was pleasantly hosting an event yesterday at the American Museum of Finance, before NFL star-professional drooler Eli Manning expectantly stole the show. Never has an individual infused celebrity activities with such a brilliant awkwardness. Thank you to Gizmodo's Leslie Horn for the story.

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Posted on Thursday, March 21, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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The hardwood diaper show we call March Madness may be trending this week, but a disturbing gif of Charles Barkley attempting social suicide is always in play. Although the longer you watch this egregious attempt at physical activity, the more you want to attempt actual suicide.

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Posted on Thursday, March 21, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

 Narrated by 5-time NBA All-Star Chris Webber.

Posted on Wednesday, March 20, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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If you've finally decided to give it all up and drop everything to become a rich millionaire, online shopping has become a key new chapter in your lifelong novel. However, caters to no one individual, no one demographic. PeachSuite is the home for every product on the market...

PeachSuite's Hotel Supply Online offers countless products in a variety of essential household categories including furniture, kitchen equipment, bar supplies and anything else that makes life that much better! Though they offer products for any type of individual.

Hoping to escape the stress of work and build your own bar? Look no further than PeachSuite's Hotel Bar Supplies, where you can find anything from barstools to bar backs and old fashioned glasses to drink coolers. Anything you could possibly need to craft the bar of your dreams can be acquired at an affordable price from PeachSuite.

On the complete other end of the spectrum, if you're a sweet Georgia mother looking to run her own bed and breakfast, PeachSuite's Atlanta Hotel Supply is once again the spot. Bedding, bathmat rugs, pillows, cleaning chemicals, coat racks; heck, even concierge stands and luggage carts for the truly dedicated.

For students and professionals of all kinds, PeachSuite even offers a large variety of office supplies at affordable prices.

We highly recommend that you check out Peach Suite if you're looking for high quality products at reasonable prices. The PeachSuite website loads fast and is very user friendly. Certainly the smoothest experience around these parts.

Posted on Wednesday, March 20, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Look at this. Look long and hard. See something wrong with this picture? Yeah, you do. The Boston Celtics led last night's game by 12 points at in the first quarter, and ESPN, in all of their infinite wisdom, credits LeBron with the early hot hand.

I don't care if LeBron had all 19 of the Heat's points and was AT the free throw line when this was written - the person who wrote it needs to find a new profession, and get off of LeBron's jock strap. 

There are dozens of other things you could have said - "Short-handed Celtics lead Heat by 12 in 1st". "Paul Pierce leads undermanned Celtics in impressive early effort against the Heat". "LeBron is NOT currently winning". ANYTHING ELSE WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE!

ESPN has slowly transformed before our eyes into E!SPN. As they continue to marinate in the sweat of Darrelle Revis, Tim Tebow and LeBron James day in and day out, the only hope we can have as sports fans is that a legitimate sports news network will soon overtake ESPN's Superstar Slobberfest. 

This is, quite frankly disgusting.

Images via

Posted on Tuesday, March 19, 2013 by Jake Silver

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It may have been the day his balls dropped for the first time, but one 13-year-old boychik was counting his blessings for different, more baller reason on Saturday. While D12 and Kobe were working on their zone D (a.k.a. marinating in their team's own filth), Steve Nash was tickling his Jewish side.

That's right, the all-world point guard, known colloquially as "Captain Canada," played the Moses role on Saturday when he uncomfortably hoisted the Torah for all the paparazzi to see.

As you can see, they certainly saw...and filmed...and tweeted...

Posted on Tuesday, March 19, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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A horrific stretch of games for Gerald Wallace was capped off last night when the gangly forward went 1-for-7 on layup attempts during the Nets' blowout loss to the Hawks. When asked what he needs to do to turn it around, Wallace verbally rocked our world...

"Make a shot. A layup, something. Any fucking thing. Fuck. Throw trash in a trash can. Anything. See anything go in."

Just so we're clear, Dikembe Mutombo would probably be there to block all trashcan attempts. "Not today!"

Image via

Posted on Tuesday, March 19, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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For now it's peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches and sharp grounders for this prodigious three-year-old. Though one day he may just be raking in an eight-figure salary, slugging long bombs away, and running through models named either Desire or Candy.

Posted on Tuesday, March 19, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Monday, March 18, 2013

As alumni of the State University of New York at Albany, we'd sure like to think so. 

As sports bloggers without brain damage, we're keeping our hopes in check.

Our beloved alma mater gave us an actual reason to raise a glass this past weekend (except for that holiday), when they won the America East Conference by defeating University of Vermont 53-49.

Though UA's frentic final stand on defense filled an entire room of screaming alumni with pride, the real test will be against a team that people actually watch. 

This Friday's round 1 opponent will be Duke - the number 2 team in the nation. It is no insult to the boys in purple to say that the Great Danes are major underdogs for this game. Can they win? Sure! Crazier things have happened in sports after all.

We aren't insane enough to bet our actual money on UA, but you better believe we'll be pulling for them this Friday. 

Let's go Danes! 

Posted on Monday, March 18, 2013 by Jake Silver

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Props to SCAD designer Nico Mojica for the fresh masterpiece. Follow his work here.

Posted on Monday, March 18, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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This dunk caused previously extinct animals so mysteriously become no longer extinct. Absolute mayhem from the god damn king.

Posted on Monday, March 18, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Sunday, March 17, 2013

When you think about going for a golf outing, your first thoughts should stray towards being drunk in a field while wearing your ugliest pants and swinging a metal stick - not falling down an 18 foot hole. 

This is exactly what happened to Mark Mihal, a mortgage broker from the St Louis area. You've got to feel bad for the guy - enjoying the day with his buddies, when all of a sudden mother nature decides "hey, fuck you!" Boom. Nature: 1 Mark: 0

If this guy goes golfing again anytime soon, we'll be impressed. 

Posted on Sunday, March 17, 2013 by Jake Silver

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Thursday, March 14, 2013

LSU's star forward Johnny O'Bryant looks eerily similar to that athletic freak over in New Jersey. Compare more pics here.

Posted on Thursday, March 14, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

"Painfully awkward" is an approach that has garnered ESPN personality Skip Bayless plenty of attention during his intriguing media career. That was until shutdown-cornerback-confrontational-twitterer Richard Sherman flipped the script, completely.

But can he cover the mega-man located below...?

Posted on Thursday, March 07, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

If you're not excited about baseball yet, this catch by center fielder Brett Williams during N.C. State's game against New Mexico State last Wednesday should help. The Pack won 9-2.

Posted on Tuesday, March 05, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Monday, March 4, 2013

Exaggeration? Maybe.

Posted on Monday, March 04, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Damn. A magical slam over none other than 2009-10 NBA Defensive Player of the Year runner-up Josh Smith, a.k.a. J. Smoove. Enjoy...

Posted on Monday, March 04, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Thanks to my girlfriend's father's incurable addiction to Westchester high school basketball, I was lucky enough to be at arguably the most epic finish in Westchester high school basketball history.

On Friday, Ray Rice's inspirational halftime speech to his former high school squad sparked them to a win. On Sunday, they sprung a miracle in the Section 1 Class AA championship thanks to Khalil Edney's heroics. After New Rochelle missed a potential game-tying free throw with seconds left, a Mt. Vernon victory seemed all but in the books. And then it happened...

Posted on Monday, March 04, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Saturday, March 2, 2013

Move over Danica Patrick, it looks like NYC soccer stud Lauren Silberman is moments away from a spot in the sports record books. But can the determined kicker take on the NFL's gargantuan expectations and pressures? Can the NFL even consider such a change? If 9-year-old pinball Sam Gordon is any consolation, it looks like change is on the horizon.

Posted on Saturday, March 02, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Friday, March 1, 2013

This probably why all of Taylor Swift's boyfriends have dumped her, although it's the first Swift song we believe was worth listening to. Seems she's found a new set of partners. Introducing, goats...the other white meat.

Posted on Friday, March 01, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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Back before we at JZSports were broke, hardworking adults, we were just a couple of broke, not-so-hardworking journalism students at SUNY Albany, trying to find our way in the sports world.

The timeless show, UA Overtime on Albany Student Television was a way for us to showcase ourselves to the student body, which we did by promptly fudging our segments during one of the very first episodes.

Enjoy a first hand look at the banter you enjoy today on JZSports via BlogTalkRadio.

Posted on Friday, March 01, 2013 by Jake Silver

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The exuberant Spanish sensation gives 'Wolves teammate Alexey Shved the most endearing, uplifting, quasi-hilarious piece of advice heard around NBA industry once hoisted by trash talk and fluffy flat-tops.

Posted on Friday, March 01, 2013 by Zack Pumerantz

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