Friday, October 26, 2012

Posted on Friday, October 26, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Thursday, October 25, 2012

Easy stuff. Here, hold my beer.


Posted on Thursday, October 25, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Remembering Big Poppa. ESPN, get this man a job.


Posted on Wednesday, October 24, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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This guy's a winner in our book. 


Posted on Wednesday, October 24, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Monday, October 22, 2012

Sebastien Toutant continues to dominate the board in all types of varying terrains. Gnarly footage.


Posted on Monday, October 22, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Is that...wait...oh yes, that's Ben "Jake Silver" Wallace with the ferocious rebound and LeBron "Zack Pumerantz" James with the deadly finish and score. We at JZ Sports are currently sending this film to teams around the league with hopes of a tryout. And by league, we mean bush league.


Posted on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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To honor Barack Obama's bruising debate with right-wing pest Mitt Romney, let's check out the President's college years at Occidental College, located in the historical Eagle Rock neighborhood of Los Angeles. Courtesy of Key & Peele.


Posted on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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We're dipping our toes in the water with a historical recap of Wes Welker's subtle mockery back in 2011, before the Pats-Jets divisional matchup, in reference to Rex Ryan's apparent foot fetish. Welker was benched for the first series, due to what we believe was a "foot injury."


Posted on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

This is a guest post submitted by Ally Silva. Ally played all kinds of sports growing up and adamantly follows everything sports now, particularly Chicago sports. She works with Phoenix Bats, a company that creates world-class wood bats for amateur and professional ball players around the world. Ally loves writing on different sports topics and is very grateful to be able to contribute here.

MLB's 5 Surprise Impact Players in 2012

Each year in Major League Baseball, there always seems to be several players that provide their teams with surprise performances that were completely unexpected. Whether they were veterans who
stepped up their game or young prospects whom not much was expected, they served to become huge
impacts along the way.

Here are five such players who have pulled off amazing performances thus far in the 2012 season.

5. Chris Capuano: Los Angeles Dodgers

When the Los Angeles Dodgers signed starting pitcher Chris Capuano to a two-year $10 million contract over the offseason, they were likely expecting a pitcher who could provide some help at the back end of the rotation. Thus far, Capuano has provided much more.

Through his first 19 starts, Capuano is 9-5 with a 2.75 ERA, arguably the second best pitcher on the
Dodgers’ staff behind Cy Young Award winner Clayton Kershaw. Capuano’s efforts helped lift the
Dodgers to the top of the NL West standings for much of the first half of the season.

4. Austin Jackson: Detroit Tigers

For the first two years of his career, Detroit Tigers center fielder Austin Jackson was finding his way in the majors. Thus far in 2012, he clearly seems to have arrived.

Through the first 90 games of the season, Jackson became a force at the top of the Tigers’ lineup,
hitting .322 with 10 HR and 39 RBI, leading the American League with five triples and supplying a .405 on-base percentage. Jackson’s table-setting performance from the leadoff position has given the middle of the Tigers’ lineup ample opportunities to drive in runs as well.

3. Carlos Ruiz: Philadelphia Phillies

Everyone in Philadelphia knew that Phillies catcher Carlos Ruiz, but thus far in 2012, Ruiz has taken his offense to another level.

Ruiz earned an All-Star selection with his outstanding performance, hitting .353 with 14 HR and 50 RBI through the first 90 games of the season. In the absence of sluggers Chase Utley and Ryan Howard, Ruiz certainly helped in picking up the offensive slack.

2. R.A. Dickey: New York Mets

When the New York Mets acquired knuckle-baller R.A. Dickey in 2010, they converted him to a full-time starter. That decision has paid off big-time in 2012.

Dickey exploded in the first half of the season, posting a 12-1 record and 2.63 ERA through his first 18 starts of the season. Dickey’s incredible first-half earned him an All-Star selection and helped keep his Mets in contention in the competitive National League East Division.

1. Mike Trout: Los Angeles Angels

When the 2012 season started, young 20-year-old Los Angeles Angels prospect Mike Trout was starting out in Triple-A. By the end of the first month, with the Angels floundering, Trout was called up to help give them a boost.

Trout has done much more than just give his Angels a boost—he has been the catalyst that turned their season around.

Since his call-up on April 28, Trout has hit .355, tops in the American League, with 13 HR, 44 RBI and a major league-leading 30 stolen bases. In addition, the Angels are 44-27 since Trout’s season debut and are just five games in back of the Texas Rangers in the AL West. Trout is not only leading the race for the AL Rookie of the Year Award, he is in the conversation in terms of the AL MVP Award as well.

Posted on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Monday, October 15, 2012

Only in Cleveland would R. Kelly's dream be fully realized for under $500. For another 50 bucks, he'd probably sleep a full night in elephant crap. 


Posted on Monday, October 15, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Sunday, October 14, 2012


Do you love fantasy football? Do you love cash? Of course you do. Ever wanted to win cash playing fantasy football without the commitment of a season-long league? Now you can!

FanDuel.com is THE place to play daily and weekly fantasy sports; so if any of this sounds good to you, NOW is the time to get in on some Week 6 action.

Check out these contests for this week; they close at 1pm today, and seats are limited so go now!





Posted on Sunday, October 14, 2012 by Jake Silver

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Saturday, October 13, 2012

Sold.


Posted on Saturday, October 13, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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This leaping elusiveness speaks for itself. (Image via i-am-bored.com)


Posted on Saturday, October 13, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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High definition is now the only way.


Posted on Saturday, October 13, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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A slow motion masterpiece. Keep trucking. 


Posted on Saturday, October 13, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Friday, October 12, 2012

As if losing the game wasn't bad enough, the Orioles added injury to insult last night for Joba Chamberlain of the New York Yankees.

Somehow when Matt Wieters swung at this ill-fated pitch, he broke his bat right at the handle....the body of which subsequently flew right into the unfortunate Chamberlain's arm.

Ouch.





Having said that, some fans probably believe Joba should have rubbed some dirt on and walked it off, because Brandon McCarthy makes him look like a big wuss.

Posted on Friday, October 12, 2012 by Jake Silver

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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Even as the final racer crosses the line, a woman biker stage right can be seen diving headfirst into a pool of mud. An all-around epic fail.


Posted on Wednesday, October 10, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Listen to internet radio with jzsports on Blog Talk Radio

Posted on Tuesday, October 09, 2012 by Jake Silver

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Monday, October 8, 2012

It seems the world's most awkward sports fan is at it again. Not satisfied with creating uncomfortable situations for unsuspecting SF Giants fans, Kyle made his way to Miami this summer to make us all cringe in our seats.

With his odd touchy-feely moments and strange stuttering gibberish, Kyle is either the perfect embodiment of the annoying idiot, or an absolute comedic genius.

Whichever you believe he is, just remember to enjoy!

Posted on Monday, October 08, 2012 by Jake Silver

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Saturday, October 6, 2012

This guy wins at life. Thank you Kyle. 


Posted on Saturday, October 06, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Watch both videos simultaneously! Immediately, don't ask questions. 




Posted on Saturday, October 06, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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We're really missing out on legendary entertainment, eh?


Posted on Saturday, October 06, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Liam Neeson plays by his own rules. Nobody else's. Not even his own. Even after its hard-nosed guest admitted to knowing nothing about football, ESPN proceeded with the Tebow question. Does it ever end?

Posted on Saturday, October 06, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Thursday, October 4, 2012

Well done Kris, you're now our friend.

Posted on Thursday, October 04, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Known simply as The Red Snapper around football parts, ginger long snapper Ethan Albright cemented himself in the history books when he wrote a simple amazing letter to John Madden regarding his game-worst rating of 53 in Madden '07 (The year of the Marcus Stroud, per Spleaze).

Now, let's keep in mind that this is Madden vs a borderline long snapper. This is like going to the NFL store, buying a cuddly New York Giants sweatshirt that drops to your knees, and then writing an angry email to the store owners saying you don't believe they correctly judged the fluff ratio.

Madden wasn't pleased with Ethan Albright's letter, though what proceeded a turducken-style anger was the greatest piece of literature ever produced.

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden 07
Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.
You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever — except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom.
It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?
I guess I just cant fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.
I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.
John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a – 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.
Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.
I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.
Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.
Rot in Hell,
Ethan Albright

Posted on Wednesday, October 03, 2012 by Zack Pumerantz

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