Friday, August 19, 2011
Posted on Friday, August 19, 2011 by Unknown
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
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Posted on Sunday, August 14, 2011 by Unknown
Friday, August 5, 2011
It includes some that might freak you out, but hey, that is the nature of sportswriting!
Enjoy!
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/793470-nfl-schedule-2011-projecting-the-10-biggest-upsets-of-the-2011-season
Posted on Friday, August 05, 2011 by Jake Silver
Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Sorry about the delay folks, lets get down to it. This was one busy weekend in the NFL, several key players signed (and didn't sign). The most important acquisition of course was the Philadelphia Eagles showing up as the dark horse in the Nnamdi Asomugha sweepstakes, and winning him from all of the other suitors. Philly is clearly making a run at the Super Bowl now, and Giants fans are lamenting. Lets have a look at this weekend's notable signings. (And Monday)
- The Atlanta Falcons inked Minnesota Vikings' defensive end Ray Edwards to a deal, FINALLY shoring up their defense as everyone was expecting them to do in the draft. Looks like they knew what they were doing after all. The Falcons are looking very solid on both sides of the ball now. Tony Gonzalez has even tweeted that Julio Jones is the best rookie wideout he's ever played with.
-Antonio Cromartie signed his "You're the Plan B" deal from the New York Jets. It is still a 4-year deal for a cool $32 million. This is good because Cromartie has a whole lot of illegitimate kids to pay child support on. He says he has no hard feelings but has a chip on his shoulder. Oooook Antonio. Still, his signing keeps the Jets' secondary intact, and the Cromartie-Revis tandem remains as dangerous as ever.
-The Arizona Cardinals signed the Baltimore Ravens' salary cap casualty Todd Heap. The 10-year veteran tight end brings some much needed receiving help to the Kevin Kolb arsenal. Heap combined with Jerhemy Urban should not only provide good targets outside of Larry Fitzgerald, but add some significant blocking for running back Beanie Wells.
-The Denver Broncos signed another Baltimore Raven castoff, running back Willis McGahee. Thankfully for Denver, this brings them a solid runner who has plenty left in the tank. His arrival should motivate the lazy and underachieving Knowshon Moreno. A good deal for both McGahee and the Broncos.
-The New York Jets made another acquisition by inking Plaxico Burress, keeping him away from their roommates, the New York Giants. This is actually a fantastic signing for both teams. The Giants did not need Plaxico, and the Jets do. They have a big body for Mark Sanchez opposite Santonio Holmes, who was once Plaxico's teammate in Pittsburgh. Whether he has enough left in the tank to perform remains to be seen. His 1 year deal is worth $3 million.
-Speaking of the Giants and Jets, the New York Giants stole away Jets punter Steve Weatherford. That pretty much means the end of Matt Dodge, thank god. We don't need to go over why that is a good thing.
-The New York Giants also re-signed their most important free agent, running back Ahmad Bradshaw. Thankfully, his market imploded, allowing the Giants to keep their running game from doing the same. He has signed a 4-year deal for a price that was far closer to what the team wanted than what he wanted. Good for fans everywhere.
-The Detroit Lions roared as their defense continues to become one of the most formidable in the NFL. They have signed stud linebacker Stephen Tulloch and his 160 tackles away from the Tennessee Titans. Pure bliss for Lions fans. Detroit is thinking playoffs, and they are thinking it now.
-To compensate for the loss of Stephen Tulloch, the Tennessee Titans have taken Barrett Ruud off the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' hands. They keep their defense intact with this move, but have still no doubt experienced a downgrade at middle linebacker.
-The Cincinnati Bengals have signed cornerback Nate Clements, formerly of the San Fransisco 49ers. They needed this signing to compensate for the loss of Johnathan Joseph, though it is a paltry consolation prize. Clements has lost a step, and even in his prime was not even close to Johnathan Joseph.
-The Carolina Panthers found an upgrade for their terrible offense by signing two solid tight ends. New Orleans Saints castoff Jeremy Shockey agreed to a 1 year deal worth up to $4 million. They also traded a 2012 third-round pick to the Chicago Bears for tight end Greg Olsen, meaning they now have a very formidable tight end tandem. This is fantastic for rookie Cam Newton, who now has viable passing targets and additional protection for what is sure to be a roller coaster rookie year.
-The biggest news of all, of course, is the Philadelphia Eagles. They came out of nowhere in the Nnamdi Asomugha sweepstakes to pull him right out from under the Jets, promising him a ring and giving him a 5-year contract worth $60 million. The addition of Nnamdi Asomugha makes the Eagles secondary the most fearsome in the NFL by far, with three ball-hawking pro-bowlers covering enemy receivers. They also made a splash by signing Green Bay Packers DT Cullen Jenkins, making them by far the most well rounded team in the NFL, and surpassing the Packers as this year's super bowl favorites. They have an incredible team put together, and are already being called the Miami Heat of the 2011 NFL season. We'll have to see, but there is no denying that these birds of prey will be flying high in 2011.
Posted on Tuesday, August 02, 2011 by Jake Silver
Thursday, July 28, 2011

The one-week offseason rages on today, as several more prominent players have been signed, traded, and released.
We already talked about the power play by the New England Patriots to bring in both Chad Ochocinco and Fat Albert Haynesworth, but what else has happened around the league today?
-The Reggie Bush era finally ended in New Orleans today, as the Saints traded him away to Miami for undisclosed draft picks and safety Jonathon Amaya. The undersized, overpaid running back finally is taking the pay cut he should have gotten a long time ago, and the Dolphins add a flashy runner to their flashy offense. If they re-sign just one of their current free agent halbacks (Ronnie Brown or Ricky Williams), they'll have a decent running game and an excellent punt returner in Bush. All they would need after that to make the status of mediocre would be a quarterback.
-Steve Breaston is reportedly leaving the Arizona Cardinals for the Kansas City Chiefs. This is great for Kansas City and bad for Arizona, who now have one less target for new acquisition Kevin Kolb to throw to. The Chiefs add a legitimate No. 2 receiver alongside all-pro Larry Fitzgerald, and we can expect to see that already formidable Chief offense ramp it up a notch in 2011.
-The long-awaited Kevin Kolb trade has finally gone down. The Philadelphia Eagles receive cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and a second round draft pick, while the Cardinals get a franchise signal caller...or at least they hope so. They sure paid him like one. (5 years, $63 Million. Not bad for a guy with only 7 starts)
-Vince Young was released by the Tennessee Titans and is now looking for work. Whoo-freakin-who.
-For all you fellow Giants fans out there, Matthias Kiwanuka has been re-signed by the New York Giants. This bodes great for the defense, and bad for the offense. Kiwanuka is a phenomenal defensive asset, but I'm not sure where the cap space is coming from to re-sign Steve Smith, Ahmad Bradshaw, and Kevin Boss. Or any of them for that matter. Uh-oh. Still, it gives New York versatility at end and linebacker and lessens the chance that Osi walking will kill the defense.
-The Giants officially cut Rich Seubert, Shawn Andrews, Shaun O'Hara, and Madison Hedgecock, freeing up extra cap space to sign their top free agents.
-Jets Wildcat QB, kick returner and WR Brad Smith agreed to a deal with the Buffalo Bills today, for 4 years worth $15 million. This is definitely a possible overpayment, especially given that the Bills had almost no need of Brad Smith. Offense is not their problem. He probably gets a little satisfaction going to the Bills, as the Jets have spurned everybody but Santonio Holmes in their pursuit of Nnamdi Asomugha.
-The Saints have reached an agreement with Darren Sproles to replace Reggie Bush. Well done fools...you just replaced one speedy undersized back with another. I guess they saved a little money at least.
-Jason Babin has reached an agreement with the Philadelphia Eagles, ending any Cullen Jenkins/Ray Edwards speculation, and shoring up their already formidable pass rush.
-The agreement of the day was between the Houston Texans and Johnathan Joseph. The Texans had the league's worst pass defense in 2010, and were desperately searching for a way to fix that. In signing Joseph, the Texans might have my vote for the signing of the offseason. This is perfect for them in every imaginable way. Joseph is younger than Nnamdi Asomugha by 3 years, he has more interceptions over the last few seasons (14 vs 11), and he comes at maybe two-thirds Nnamdi's price (5 years for $43 million). The Texans made a beautiful play and will be rewarded.
Their defense now features a top-5 cornerback in Joseph, plus Mario Williams, Brian Cushing, Demeco Ryans, and rookies J.J Watt and Brooks Reed. Combine that defensive squad with their explosive offense, and the Texans are suddenly a Wild Card contender at the very least, and maybe even the favorite in the AFC South. Great job by the Houston front office.
Thats all we have for this free agency update at JZSports, stay tuned tomorrow for what is sure to be another crazy day!
Posted on Thursday, July 28, 2011 by Jake Silver

The Patriots are starting to look very dangerous for the 2011 season. The team with the NFL's best overall record in 2010 is only getting better, as today they added what could be formidable offensive and defensive pieces.
Fat loser Albert Haynesworthless is getting his best possible chance at redemption by signing with the New England Patriots. Though Haynesworth is a lazy loudmouth, that kind of behavior does not fly on a squad coached by Bill Belichick. Haynesworth will either shut up and play the game, or he will sit, and all he's costing the Patriots is a couple of surplus draft picks. Most importantly, he gets to play alongside one of the most dangerous nose tackles in the NFL in Vince Wilfork. A chance at redemption has been handed to him on a silver platter.
The Patriots also sent a couple of picks to the Cincinnati Bengals in exchange for wide receiver Chad Ochocinco. Not only does this provide the opinionated and loud Ochocinco with a coach that will set him straight, but it gives Tom Brady his first legitimate No. 1 receiver since Randy Moss was good in 2009.
Watch out for the Patriots this season. They are going to be a tough nut to crack.
Posted on Thursday, July 28, 2011 by Jake Silver
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
This one should be a fun read for all you Giants fans out there.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/782121-nfl-free-agency-why-new-york-giants-fans-dont-need-to-panic
Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 by Jake Silver

Sorry for the barrage, but the updates are coming in that fast.
It has been revealed that the remaining stud free agent wide receiver, Sidney Rice, has agreed to a five-year deal worth $41 million, with $18.5 million guaranteed. This is a crushing blow to the Minnesota Vikings, who were very much hoping to retain Rice's services
Seattle now has an extremely formidable receiving corps in place, headed by Rice. The others in this group are Mike Williams, Brandon Stokeley, Golden Tate and John Carlson. Even with mediocre quarterbacks Charlie Whitehurst and Tavaris Jackson under center, the Seahawks are going to have a nasty air attack in 2011.
Another notable signing has been the departure of Giants defensive tackle Barry Cofield to the rival Washington Redskins, for a deal reportedly worth $36 million over 6 years. Though this was an expected departure, there is no comfort in the fact that a solid defensive player has joined the defense of a division rival. Look for that match up to be an interesting one in 2011.
A smaller free agent deal that has been agreed to today is the Bruce Gradkowski to Cincinnati deal. Joining the long list of quarterbacks who have moved around this week. Gradkowski will play the mentor role in Cincinnati as the Bengals try to develop rookie Andy Dalton.
Lastly, Paul Posluszny of the Buffalo Bills has left his former team to join the hapless Jacksonville Jaguars. Talk about moving from one bad situation to another!
That's all we have for you right now at JZSports, stay tuned as the free agent avalanche continues!
Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 by Jake Silver

Well folks, it happened. DeAngelo Williams has officially re-signed with the Carolina Panthers, making the shrinking offensive free agent pool even smaller.
The running back has signed a 5-year deal worth $43 million, with $21 million in guaranteed money. Talk about a nice payday!
The next expected moves involve Plaxico Burress likely heading to the Giants or Steelers (Talk about deja vu!) and Kevin Kolb heading to the Arizona Cardinals. A possible Kyle Orton-to-Miami trade is in the works as well.
Stay tuned to JZSports as the Free Agent Frenzy continues!!
Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 by Jake Silver

Here is a Jake Silver Bleacher Report piece on 6 guys in the NFL who will be jobless come Friday. Enjoy.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/780191-nfl-free-agency-2011-albert-haynesworth-and-6-players-who-will-be-cut-this-week
Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 by Jake Silver

Breaking news; Santonio Holmes has agreed to a 5-year deal worth $50 million sources are saying. More importantly, he is getting $24 million guaranteed. This is both good and bad news for the Jets, as they get to keep their top wide receiver, but they are all but guaranteed to lose Braylon Edwards, Brad Smith and Antonio Cromartie.
There is sure to be language in the contract that allows the New York Jets to recoup bonus money if Holmes accrues 1 more strike and gets a year long suspension. Overall, Jet fans should be celebrating today, the offense is that much more dangerous with Holmes on it.
Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 by Jake Silver

Well, we are in the second day of the NFL off season, and business is proceeding at a breakneck pace.With free agency set to begin Friday and the trade floor already open, teams are making big moves to acquire the players they need.
The Tennessee Titans have reportedly reached a deal with the former Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, who is now an unrestricted free agent. The Titans will bring him in to mentor their first round pick, Washington State quarterback Jake Locker. This is a brilliant move by the Tennessee Titans, as Locker is raw and not ready to step out under center right now. The Titans have decided to "Go the Aaron Rodgers Way" and they won't be sorry. Letting promising young quarterbacks sit for a while behind a skilled veteran is good for business.
Speaking of the Seattle Seahawks, they have agreed to a deal with Minnesota Vikings free agent Tavaris Jackson. Jackson is no premiere starter, but nor is he a slouch, and he is certainly more NFL ready than Charlie Whitehurst. This is a good band-aid move by the Seahawks, who are either looking to slowly develop Whitehurst or go for a strong quarterback in the 2012 draft.
Also involving the Minnesota Vikings (This is just one big circle isn't it?), is the first trade of the year. The Washington Redskins are receiving two future sixth-round draft picks in exchange for veteran Donovan McNabb. Why is a possible hall of famer being exchanged for peanuts? Simply because the Washington Redskins have no bargaining power with him; he is leaving either way. Minnesota is getting a sweet deal here, as they now have the crafty McNabb to teach rookie Christian Ponder. That is a win-win for them, as they have a solid veteran to lead their otherwise playoff-caliber squad, and once McNabb is done, Ponder will be far more prepared than if they threw him to the wolves in week 1.
That's all we have for now on player movement. Next on everyone's list of questions, what will happen with Kevin Kolb, Kyle Orton, Carson Palmer and Vince Young? Stay tuned, JZSports will give you those answers!
Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 by Jake Silver
Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Sorry this is a day late folks, but the news is official: football is back!
The two sides have agreed to a decade-long CBA, meaning we'll all be old before we ever have to deal with this again thankfully.
With that in hand, today starts the most frenzied few weeks of NFL offseason in history. We are compressing a four-month long free agency period into a week, starting camps late, and watching trades happen that should have been on draft day.
-One of the new provisions becomes immediately relevant this week, and that is the new salary cap system. Under the new CBA, each team has a cap of $120 million, but the catch is that they must spend a minimum of 89%, or $107.1 million. That leaves several teams like the Chicago Bears and Seattle Seahawks with over $30 million in unused space, so some guys will be getting big contracts with those clubs. It should be interesting to see how this cap works, after an uncapped year, teams are going to have to change how they do things.
-At long last, there is a rookie wage scale in place. No longer will an unproven draft choice be given an exorbitant amount of cash before he is due. The new deal cuts top rookie contracts by 50%, with top picks receiving 4-year deals with a 5th year team option.These 4-year contracts are eligible for rounds 2-7 as well. Cam Newton, the first pick in this year's draft, is eligible for a 4-year $22.03 million contract. If the Panthers keep him for a fifth year, his salary would be at the average of the top 10 salaries of other quarterbacks, which is far more reasonable.
The best part of the rookie wage scale? No more holdouts. This means idiots in the mold of Jamarcus Russell and Michael Crabtree can no longer sit out for long periods of time, because they lose their first round cap status after August if unsigned.
Even better, if a player goes the Revis route and sits out while under rookie contract, they are prohibited from renegotiating at all. Sweet deal I say.
-Owners have agreed to a 10-12 percent increase in the minimum salary structure. Rookies, for example, would go from $330,000 to $375,000. The increases go to $450,000 for second-year players, $525,000 for third-year players, $600,000 for fourth-year players, $685,000 for players with five-to-seven years of experience, and so on. Players with 10 years or more receive a minimum of $910,000, which is excellent for players in decline that still need money.
-The franchise tag remains unchanged, so don't expect any of the players franchised now or in the future to depart the team that tags them. That little item is here to stay. Logan Mankins, Michael Vick and Vincent Jackson will have to live with being the highest paid players at their positions.
All things considered, I'd say everybody wins with this new deal. Players get the money they wanted, owners get the power they wanted, and rookies are screwed. All is as it should be.
Now,
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!
Posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2011 by Jake Silver
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Posted on Friday, July 22, 2011 by Unknown
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Posted on Thursday, July 21, 2011 by Unknown
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2011 by Unknown
This girl is one freakish athlete. They clearly should be paying her to PLAY, because outside of The Matrix, I've never seen a jump like that. Notice the faces of the catcher and left fielder. That outfielder is going to have some nightmares about this one.
Think Space Jam when Charles Barkley gets killed in street ball.
Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2011 by Jake Silver
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Before his sophomore season at Kansas, Chamberlain allowed photographer Rich Clarkson some personal time to capture his precious moments.
Clarkson's photographs have not only been on the cover of Sports Illustrated 33 times and the pages of Time and Life, he has been in arenas for the most monumental moments in sports history.
It is clear that Clarkson had a tough time revealing how tall the dominant center truly was until he had him sit down and look up with a sparkle in his eye.
A 7'1" behemoth, Chamberlain is the only player ever to average 40 and 50 points in a season and score 100 points in a single game.
He had seven scoring, nine field goal percentage and eleven rebounding titles. He led the league in assists per game with 8.6 during the 1967-1968 season. He also has the highest average assists ever for a center with 4.4.
Truly a God for his time period. While the opposing talent may have been slightly inferiror, he was a man amongst boys.
Posted on Monday, July 11, 2011 by Unknown
This is where sports betting comes into play.
Call it human instinct or just a reason to watch a sports event, but either way it's a jaw-dropping experience that features plenty of perspiration. Those who place bets often experience a roller coaster ride that can end in either euphoric happiness or unsolicited anger. While it's a huge risk, there is also worthy rewards that await.
Those who are experienced will enjoy this site. On the other hand, if you're new to the sport of betting, you might want to give the sports picks a moment of your time. Either way it is an enjoyable time with some research and a little luck.
Posted on Monday, July 11, 2011 by Unknown
Whether you want Avril Lavigne Tickets in order to enjoy her skater girl attitude light up the stage or Jimmy Buffet Tickets because you're a parrothead who loves to escape to his mysterious island, this is the site for you. American Idols Tickets and Barry Manilow Tickets are also available for unique prices, however only one concert can fully eclipse the others.
U2 Concert Tickets are available and should not be wasted. They will undoubtedly have an incredible performance. Don't wait any longer!
Posted on Monday, July 11, 2011 by Unknown
Friday, July 8, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Posted on Tuesday, May 31, 2011 by Unknown
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Posted on Friday, May 13, 2011 by Unknown
Friday, May 6, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Posted on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 by Unknown
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Posted on Thursday, April 14, 2011 by Unknown
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
This is a comical article that presents the detrimental effects of playing Madden's video game endlessly. It can lead to lackadaisical tendencies and inability to perform daily activities. Enjoy the article.
Neurologists Paint Grim Picture Of 'Madden' Football's Long-Term Effect On Players' Brains
"The situation is far more serious than we had previously thought," said Vincent Wu, head of neuropathology at the IBIR. "Playing Madden football increases one's risk for a wide range of cognitive impairments, from difficulty focusing, to a decreased awareness of one's surroundings, to a generalized inability to engage with society at large."
"Playing so many simulated seasons takes a devastating toll," Wu added. "The human brain was never meant to withstand the brutal impacts of this game."
Examining MRIs and PET scans of Madden football veterans, scientists discovered severely damaged neural pathways in parts of the brain associated with motivation and attention, malformations that might explain the common inability among players to perform such basic tasks as maintaining hygiene and preparing meals for themselves.
"Among current top-level Madden players, the vast majority suffered from profound personality and mood disorders," said Annette Crowley, an IBIR research fellow. "Our participants displayed irritability when presented with even the simplest commands—for example, to stand up from the couch or to interact with their own children for a while."
While cognitive deficiencies occurred among people who only played Madden football as youths and adolescents, the study showed an even grimmer outlook for those who continued playing the game into adulthood.
"Following a decade or more of intense play, these neurologically impaired individuals face incredible difficulty rejoining society," said Wu, who noted that a player's total game time was correlated with high levels of depression and an elevated body mass index. "They realize too late that they have done irreversible harm to their brains and bodies, and that they have no real skills to offer the world."
"It's all too common that they are forced to remain living with their parents for basic care," Wu added.
According to the IBIR, nine former Madden football players have agreed to donate their brains to scientific research after their deaths. Among them is 34-year-old Matt Curtis, who played every season from Madden 94 to Madden 09.
"This game took everything from me," Curtis said. "My fiancée left me, and I can't hold down a steady job. In college, I should have focused on my education instead of spending every waking minute playing the game. No one should end up like this."
In response to the study, EA Sports announced it would issue new safety guidelines for Madden 12 and urged individuals to refrain from play, even in Training Camp mode, if they experience poor balance upon standing for the first time in several hours or increased sensitivity to natural light after emerging from a darkened bedroom or basement.
However, many contend these recommendations fail to address what they call a pervasive culture within Madden football that ostracizes those who sit out games, particularly during online league play.
"Today's brand of Madden football is far different from the game of 20 years ago," said 34-year-old Dan Doyle, a former player turned safety advocate. "The style of play is much faster and far more aggressive. After 16 weeks of punishing games, you can see it in the dazed, glassy looks in the players' eyes. It's like they're not even there."
"These men—boys, really—have no idea what they're doing to themselves," he added.
Despite initiatives to educate Madden football players about such dangers, surveys show a majority of players object to measures that would slow the game down or limit playing time for at-risk individuals.
"The reason Madden football has so many fans is precisely because of its nonstop hard-hitting action," said current player Jed Ashbee, 26. "If you strip away the things that make the game so exhilarating, then all you're left with is Wii Family Fun Football, and nobody wants that."
Posted on Wednesday, April 13, 2011 by Unknown
Friday, April 8, 2011
Posted on Friday, April 08, 2011 by Unknown
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Posted on Thursday, April 07, 2011 by Unknown
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
With a veteran mentor and some bench time, Cam has the potential to go far in the NFL.
For the full piece, see the link to BleacherReport.com
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/651245-cam-newton-future-star-but-not-a-band-aid-panthers-take-note
Posted on Wednesday, April 06, 2011 by Jake Silver
Friday, April 1, 2011
Posted on Friday, April 01, 2011 by Unknown
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011

(A little satire I wrote after the drafting of Darrius Heyward-Bey by the Raiders)
“With the seventh selection in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders
select Darrius...Heyward-Bey? Wide Receiver, Maryland,” said an utterly
confused Commissioner Roger Goodell following the Raiders’ first round
selection this past Saturday. Dumbfounded, the audience and analysts
alike were left scratching their heads at the pick. Raiders fans were
found asking each other, “who the hell this guy?”
While the other 31 teams in the NFL celebrated the fact that top wideout
prospects Michael Crabtree and Jeremy Maclin were still on the board,
Raiders owner/General Manager (and suspected head minion of Satan
himself) Al Davis and his hell dwellers quietly laughed in the shadows at
their enemies’ naiveté.
Not all of Davis’s staff agreed with his choice of receiver. Head coach
Tom Cable sat quietly in a corner with his head buried in his arms, his
enormously fat frame shaking with sobs as he mourned his chance to
actually win a few games in 2009. Wide Receiver coach Sanjay Lal fell to
his knees before a life-size poster of Michael “Magic Hands” Crabtree with
tears streaking down his face, mourning his chance for advancement as a
coach in the NFL.
“I TRIED. I really did,” sobbed Coach Cable to the assembled media at the
draft. “I TOLD him we had to select a big-time playmaker, with good hands
and route running skills so we could have a chance to develop this
offense next season!” Cable grew more agitated by the second, pounding
the stand with his fist for emphasis. “But no, all he wants is speed,
speed, speed, speed, SPEEEED!!!!” At this point Coach Cable collapsed
into a heap on the podium, frothing at the mouth and convulsing
uncontrollably. He had to be carried off by NFL security personnel.
Reports are inconclusive, but apparently a Bloomin’ Onion, tub of Ben and
Jerry’s and more than a few women were brought to him behind the stage by
an assistant, causing an almost instant recovery.
As Raiders owner and GM Al Davis took the stand at Radio City Music Hall
in New York to explain their draft pick to the media, news reports began
to surface that the city of Oakland was up in flames, weeping Raider fans
were throwing themselves off buildings, and an angry mob of fans was seen
advancing on the team’s home stadium, known as “the Black Hole,” they
have yet to be seen again. It remains unclear exactly how different this
is from Oakland on your normal Saturday afternoon. Davis seemed unfazed
by the news, calmly looking up from his bucket of goat blood to tell
journalists that this wasn’t news to him, besides who gives a shit about
Oakland?
Davis’s press conference took much longer than expected due to incessant
need for a continuous supply of goat blood brought by his
assistant-coincidentally named Lucifer-between questions. He was
bombarded with a relentless attack of inquiries about why he passed up on
top prospects to draft somebody like Heyward-Bey. Davis dodged most of
these questions by ranting about “The greatness of the Raidas” and how
they needed a speedy receiver, not necessarily one who could “catch
anything.”
“Let me tell you about your Michael Crabtree,” drawled the ancient team
owner, “Michael Crabtree might be able to catch the ball and muscle the
defense, but can you tell me his 40-yard dash time? NO! Because he didn’t
run it! This clearly means he isn’t fast! If he isn’t fast, is he worthy
of Raida greatness? NO! Plus, he said he wasn’t very open to the idea of
selling his soul for greatness. Now, Do you know what Darrius’s time was?
4.3! That’s right! The fastest time at the combine! We need someone fast
for two reasons. One, so he can run away from the scores of angry fans
and relentless media. And two, so we finally have a receiver that can get
the ball where JaMarcus Russell throws it! We were tired of seeing the
ball sail ten yards past the receiver on every play!
One journalist stepped up the interrogation; “You’ve been drafting for
speed for several years, it doesn’t seem to have worked. Don’t you think
it’s time for a new strategy?” Al Davis responded by simply glaring at
the journalist for a few seconds before he burst into flames. This
brought a rather ugly end to Davis’s press conference, as disgruntled
reporters slowly filed out of the room muttering to themselves, unfazed
by yet another spontaneous human combustion around the team owner.
With the pick of Darrius Heyward-Bey, the Raiders have finally acquired
the last piece of crap in their piece of crap puzzle, and are sure to see
a whole lot of tremendous crap from their newest crap player. We should
all look forward to a craptastic Raider season in 2009. Settle in Raider
fans, it’s going to be a long one.
Posted on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 by Jake Silver
Posted on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 by Unknown
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Posted on Wednesday, March 16, 2011 by Unknown
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Posted on Wednesday, March 09, 2011 by Unknown
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Posted on Wednesday, March 02, 2011 by Unknown
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Posted on Sunday, February 27, 2011 by Unknown
Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Thousands of fans in Denver and New Jersey lamented the loss of Carmelo Anthony to the New York Knicks, whose fans spent Monday night celebrating the coming of a second superstar to the Garden.
Many fans and analysts have been quick to say that the Knicks gave up too much (which is another story entirely), while many others have taken up the mantra that the trade is bad for the NBA. They say the trend of bringing all of the big stars to the big cities hurts the marketability of the league. This is wrong. Carmelo is just the newest move in a hype machine that has been prevalent this entire year. Teams in the big cities attracting big players is great for the NBA.
It is hard to argue that the NBA is less fun when the Knicks are relevant. The Knickerbockers play at Madison Square Garden, arguably the biggest stage in the NBA. New York is the largest market in basketball, so having them even be considered a remote contender is going to bring more interest to the NBA.
To have the big players go to the big markets only makes sense for the league; it means more marketing, more merchandise, and more exposure. Los Angeles vs New York City would make for one hell of an NBA Finals, which means better ratings.
I can't even think of a reason why the big market-big player philosophy could hurt basketball. If you really think it could, look at the Garden crowd for every Knicks home game in the forseeable future. You might change your mind.
Posted on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 by Jake Silver
Posted on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 by Jake Silver
Friday, February 18, 2011
Posted on Friday, February 18, 2011 by Unknown
Thursday, February 17, 2011
This is my latest story for bleacher report about the most notorious NFL bust of all time. Ryan Leaf, known as the biggest flop in history, was irrelevant under center in his limited time as quarterback. However, he is known more for his off the field tantrums and arrogant personality. Hated by his teammates and fans, Leaf snowballed towards mediocrity and was out of the league at 26. This piece looks at Leaf from a different perspective, as if all his mediocrity actually made him a legend. Doubtful, but enjoy the sarcastic article. -Z.Pumerantz
Posted on Thursday, February 17, 2011 by Unknown
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Obviously fighting is a significant part of the sport of hockey, but not when it occurs play after play. The highlight video below is somewhat entertaining, to be honest, but not good for hockey. Mario Lemieux has already revealed his disgust with what took place on Friday night. Read his ESPN quotes here. Enjoy.
Posted on Sunday, February 13, 2011 by Unknown
Monday, February 7, 2011
As the bulbs flashed, the crowd roared, and confetti flew, all eyes of the Cowboys stadium crowd and the record-breaking 111 million T.V viewers were on Aaron Rodgers, the clear MVP of Super Bowl XLV.
Posted on Monday, February 07, 2011 by Jake Silver
"As the clock dwindled, the Green Bay Packers only seconds away from a legendary Super Bowl victory, fans began to reminisce, grins and gratification omnipresent... " click here to read the full articleCongratulations to the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers and their loyal fanbase. The team has come a long way since the Brett Favre days and could not be happier with their franchise quarterback Aaron Rodgers leading the charge. Read why Rodgers will dominate the league for years in my latest Bleacher Report piece. Click Here to Read
Posted on Monday, February 07, 2011 by Unknown
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